So I am turning 40 on the weekend and for the first time
ever, I am so excited about reaching this milestone and an evening of
celebration that has been planned for me to celebrate with my closest family
and friends. This party was truly a lesson in letting go of controlling things
(I am usually the event organiser in my family) and also for the first time I
have allowed myself to deserve this. To deserve being the centre of attention.
No a position I feel comfortable with admittedly but know this centres around
feeling worthy enough and for the first time my entire life, I feel worthy
enough and I too deserve to feel special.
And because I am really being spoilt by my gorgeous husband,
I have time today to write a list of the top things I have learnt (Some the
hard way) over the last 40 years. So here it goes;
1)
Love is
really the answer – For many years fear has been the answer for me. I
experienced fear in many aspects of my life and still working through many of
them, however when I approach a situation for the vantage point of love, the
answer always becomes clearer.
2)
You must
love yourself. MUST.
3)
Gratitude
really is the key to happiness. Being grateful for what you already have in
your life, brings you more. Comparing, competing, focusing on the lack only
gives you more heartache. I was not always the most grateful person but life
has taught me the true meaning of gratitude and although these valuable lessons
have come at a price, I am eternally grateful.
4)
I am
enough- I learnt that I had to be enough for me. I looked for this feeling
for many years in all the wrong spots. From my husband, family and friends, I
realised that this is a lot of pressure and expectation to put on someone else.
This feeling really had to come from within. I had to feel this for myself. Nobody
could give this too me.
5)
There is
a gift to be found in all situations. It may not be apparent immediately and
it may take many years to reveal itself, but even in the most gut-wrenching,
soul churning situations, there is a gift.
6)
You can’t
have everyone you want in your life and that’s ok. We are not all meant to
live and get along. I am a chronic holding on, loyal type person and truthfully
I am always loyal to the point that I hurt myself but sometimes you just got to
let go. Not everyone is meant to be in your life.
7)
Sometimes
when you think you lost, you have actually won. One of the main mantras in
my family growing up was ‘You can’t win!’ So I grew up believing this but as I
got older and like to think wiser, I realised this mantra was quite limiting
and you can in fact win. Win for you! You just need to follow your heart and
trust and how many times did I fight to keep relationships and situations from
going sour, to still have them go sour and find that it all actually worked out
for the best.
8)
Your mind
can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Wow have I learnt this the
hard way. I always thought that my mind was the go to. The thoughts I thought
were real and the stories and scenarios, I conjured up where real. Boy was I
wrong. The day I realised (and again the hard way ... I
am a bit thick) that a lot of my thoughts and beliefs where NOT mine and
actually what I’d been told all my life by others was the most liberating
REALISATION.
9)
What you
want from your life, your dreams and goals and aspirations have to be yours.
For many years I lived my life basing my decisions on what I thought other
people wanted and expected. Funny thing was I honestly thought these thoughts
were mine but again when I realised a lot of my decisions where to gain worthiness
and that feeling of being enough (see number 3), things began to change
10)
Feelings
are not a bad thing. How many times did I hear you are too sensitive? Or ‘your
being stupid for feeling that way’. I have learnt to embrace these feelings and
use them as my guidance system and at that point life became simpler. If it makes me feel good I do it. If it doesn’t
I don’t! Feelings really are our soul talking to us and not pushing them aside,
acknowledging them can be crucial in trusting yourself.
11)
Really doesn’t
not matter what others think. REALLY! Boy was this a Biggy for me. I always
worried what others thought. My son that passed gave me this gift and his death
taught me that you really need to honour you and your own family. Everything
else secondary. We are different for a reason. We like, expect, think and believe
in all different things and that’s OK. Living by the standards of others is one
of the most soul crushing things you can do.
12)
Trust
your intuition and inner guidance system. Only you know what is best for you.
Not your husband, parents, kids, friends….YOU. Those that love you will enjoy
seeing you happy and sometimes those that love you may not get it. You need to
be OK with that and trust, trust, trust!
13)
Sometimes
when you let go of control you may be pleasantly surprised. You are talking
to control freak number 1 here. Well I have learned that sometimes surrendering
the control and allowing others to freely express themselves may be exactly what
you have been looking for and needing the whole time.
14)
Mothering
is the most sacred privilege that I have been given. It really is an honour
to carry and raise a child and my son taught me this. The still birth of my
baby showed me the value of life and what a gift being a mother and carrying
and raising a child really is. I also lost my best friend in the last decade to
this very task of giving birth and from that moment on I never took being a
mother, carrying and raising a child and one of the most sacred acts of giving
birth for granted again. Thanks to these too beautiful souls, I was given this
gift and sadly prior to that, I thought being a mum was a sacrifice. Boy was I
wrong.
15)
Last but not least- LIFE IS A GIFT. Every day, every breath, every moment is to be
cherished.
There have been so
many lessons and realisations in the last decade and being a work in progress,
I am sure there will be many more and many that I will need to revisit but
these are the top 15 (List started at top 10 and then I really could keep
going). Thank you for allowing me to share.
