20 thinks I learnt about me when I took the time to get real!

This is me! All natural ! Hair not done. No make up! Raw and real. Sometimes we get so busy that we loose connection with our spirit and our authentic self. As most of you know. I took the time to reconnect the last couple of months and I wanted to share what I learnt about myself by stopping and paying attention and seeking the right help guided by my intuition. 

1. Food impacts my mood and I mean greatly! When I eat real food, my energy is higher, my moods are uplifted . If I eat dead processed foods my moods are low. 

2. I experience anger and frustration when I am not taking care of myself and when I am not doing things I enjoy. 

3. I have learnt a lesson in duality and for every moment we experience, there are emotions of the polar opposite at play . Happiness, sadness. Shame and pride . Loss and gain to name a few.  

4 My anger / guilt are not me but just and expression of me when I'm not on purpose and flowing with my highest values. 

5. My life experiences will assist me in serving others . 

6. I contributed to the frustrations in my life because I had no boundaries.  

7. Sleep is crucial for me and I need to go to bed at a reasonable hour. 

8. When I am feeling forced to do something I don't want to do I get angry. Must stop doing it. 

9. I have an important gift and message to share just as we all do and it is of worth and value. 

10. Moving my body daily in ways that I love is important to allow energy to flow. It's important that I love how I move. 

11. When I'm working with energy I must ground myself before driving. Learnt that one the hard way 😁 

12. Anxiety is really just a baramoter to tell me that I am off track .

13. Don't make big decisions when you are not feeling whole . 

14. The concept that there is nothing to forgive is something I'm trying to get my head around and still work in progress . If everything serves a purpose to assist me in achieving  my highest values then there is really truly nothing to forgive . Like I said still working on this  one. 

15. Authenticity and vulnerability are beautiful and nothing to hide.

16. Stress is s major part of my ailments. When I address my stress. My lifestyle and eating habits,  life flows. 

17. I am a work in progress like everyone else and thats OK.  It's through my imperfections that I am able to assist . If I were perfect ( who friggen is ) then I would not be so driven to provide tools for others to cope with life as amazingly beautiful and difficult it can be. 

18. It's more than OK to express all parts of me. I have become increasing interested in the sacred feminine in particular Mary Magdeline. I feel she is guiding me and inspiring to work with feminine energy and nurture and support women . I have not expressed this openly to many but it's increasing becoming s part of me which I hope to explore further and will share more on.  

19. Most of my lessons have come through some intense self awareness and massive reality checks. If I had not stopped work and reached out to other professionals a couple of months ago (professionals like Dr Nima ( overview method) , naturopaths and of course Kinesiologist ), I would more than  likely have had destroyed my marriage, had a nervous breakdown as I spiraled deeper in adrenal fatigue as I was so deep into fight and flight the only thing I could think of doing was running . 

20. I am amazing as we all are!  💛

What I learn't in 40 years!

So I am turning 40 on the weekend and for the first time ever, I am so excited about reaching this milestone and an evening of celebration that has been planned for me to celebrate with my closest family and friends. This party was truly a lesson in letting go of controlling things (I am usually the event organiser in my family) and also for the first time I have allowed myself to deserve this. To deserve being the centre of attention. No a position I feel comfortable with admittedly but know this centres around feeling worthy enough and for the first time my entire life, I feel worthy enough and I too deserve to feel special.

And because I am really being spoilt by my gorgeous husband, I have time today to write a list of the top things I have learnt (Some the hard way) over the last 40 years. So here it goes;

 

1)      Love is really the answer – For many years fear has been the answer for me. I experienced fear in many aspects of my life and still working through many of them, however when I approach a situation for the vantage point of love, the answer always becomes clearer.

2)      You must love yourself. MUST.

3)      Gratitude really is the key to happiness. Being grateful for what you already have in your life, brings you more. Comparing, competing, focusing on the lack only gives you more heartache. I was not always the most grateful person but life has taught me the true meaning of gratitude and although these valuable lessons have come at a price, I am eternally grateful.

4)      I am enough- I learnt that I had to be enough for me. I looked for this feeling for many years in all the wrong spots. From my husband, family and friends, I realised that this is a lot of pressure and expectation to put on someone else. This feeling really had to come from within. I had to feel this for myself. Nobody could give this too me.

5)      There is a gift to be found in all situations. It may not be apparent immediately and it may take many years to reveal itself, but even in the most gut-wrenching, soul churning situations, there is a gift.

6)      You can’t have everyone you want in your life and that’s ok. We are not all meant to live and get along. I am a chronic holding on, loyal type person and truthfully I am always loyal to the point that I hurt myself but sometimes you just got to let go. Not everyone is meant to be in your life.

7)      Sometimes when you think you lost, you have actually won. One of the main mantras in my family growing up was ‘You can’t win!’ So I grew up believing this but as I got older and like to think wiser, I realised this mantra was quite limiting and you can in fact win. Win for you! You just need to follow your heart and trust and how many times did I fight to keep relationships and situations from going sour, to still have them go sour and find that it all actually worked out for the best.

8)      Your mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Wow have I learnt this the hard way. I always thought that my mind was the go to. The thoughts I thought were real and the stories and scenarios, I conjured up where real. Boy was I wrong. The day I realised (and again the hard way  ...  I am a bit thick) that a lot of my thoughts and beliefs where NOT mine and actually what I’d been told all my life by others was the most liberating REALISATION.

9)      What you want from your life, your dreams and goals and aspirations have to be yours. For many years I lived my life basing my decisions on what I thought other people wanted and expected. Funny thing was I honestly thought these thoughts were mine but again when I realised a lot of my decisions where to gain worthiness and that feeling of being enough (see number 3), things began to change

10)   Feelings are not a bad thing. How many times did I hear you are too sensitive? Or ‘your being stupid for feeling that way’. I have learnt to embrace these feelings and use them as my guidance system and at that point life became simpler.  If it makes me feel good I do it. If it doesn’t I don’t! Feelings really are our soul talking to us and not pushing them aside, acknowledging them can be crucial in trusting yourself.

11)   Really doesn’t not matter what others think. REALLY! Boy was this a Biggy for me. I always worried what others thought. My son that passed gave me this gift and his death taught me that you really need to honour you and your own family. Everything else secondary. We are different for a reason. We like, expect, think and believe in all different things and that’s OK. Living by the standards of others is one of the most soul crushing things you can do.

12)   Trust your intuition and inner guidance system. Only you know what is best for you. Not your husband, parents, kids, friends….YOU. Those that love you will enjoy seeing you happy and sometimes those that love you may not get it. You need to be OK with that and trust, trust, trust!

13)   Sometimes when you let go of control you may be pleasantly surprised. You are talking to control freak number 1 here. Well I have learned that sometimes surrendering the control and allowing others to freely express themselves may be exactly what you have been looking for and needing the whole time.

14)   Mothering is the most sacred privilege that I have been given. It really is an honour to carry and raise a child and my son taught me this. The still birth of my baby showed me the value of life and what a gift being a mother and carrying and raising a child really is. I also lost my best friend in the last decade to this very task of giving birth and from that moment on I never took being a mother, carrying and raising a child and one of the most sacred acts of giving birth for granted again. Thanks to these too beautiful souls, I was given this gift and sadly prior to that, I thought being a mum was a sacrifice. Boy was I wrong.

15)   Last but not least- LIFE IS A GIFT. Every day, every breath, every moment is to be cherished.

 

 There have been so many lessons and realisations in the last decade and being a work in progress, I am sure there will be many more and many that I will need to revisit but these are the top 15 (List started at top 10 and then I really could keep going). Thank you for allowing me to share.